You know when you have one of those days where you have all kinds of things on your mind. I’m having one of those days.

I recently had to vie for my job. The company I work for, my regular full time job, did a bunch of lay off notices back in July/August of 2018. I was one of the people that received my notice. The beauty of it was many of us that were severed received our notices about a year in advance. My end date was to be December 2019.

It hurt. I won’t lie. In September of 2018 I had been working at the company 10 years. I had always been a hard worker. Sometimes too hard because other people’s work was given to me because the other people weren’t perceived as doing that particular part of their job well enough. Let’s give it to Audra, she’ll do a better job with it…

A position, my position, became available to apply for in December. I applied with mixed emotions. I didn’t want to lose my job but I didn’t feel it was fair I had to re-interview for it. I interviewed. My interviewers were great! I felt so at ease and they both made me feel very comfortable! Both I will be working with in the near future.

I am now an employee again! I was selected to stay. Of course I never actually left but when you are severed and most of your team is not, it makes you a body, not an employee. Your opinions are no longer valued. In some ways you are treated as an outcast. You are not included in meetings where you should have been included. When you speak up for yourself it is taken that you are trying to cause trouble.

I am glad to be over that turmoil. At least for now anyway. Nothing is as it should be right now but I’ll take what I can get.

What’s been on my mind is what do I want to do with my life. Being a dedicated employee doesn’t guarantee you a future and as I’m finding, selling knit and crochet wear also doesn’t guarantee a future.

I don’t want to give up my dream of having a successful handmade business! I know that I do need to rethink it and give it more focus. I’m thinking a Reboot is in the near future!